She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
