I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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