Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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