he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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