So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
