I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
