tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
