So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
