make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
