Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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