puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The air taste purple.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
