I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
