Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
