There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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