Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
