went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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