i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
