i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
