Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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