Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
