Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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