He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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