This is not my ceiling
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
