So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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