How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
a search helicopter?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize