Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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