I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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