i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
