I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
