he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize