I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this just has baby written all over it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
