can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
