btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
