I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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