Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
