i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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