he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
