Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
