It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
