I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
