Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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