$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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