I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
