we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
