the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
