I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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