I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
