I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
