y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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