i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
