I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
