just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
