The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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