You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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