What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
