He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When did angry sex become our thing?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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