I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Randomize
