We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
