You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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