i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
