I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
