I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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