So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
